http://piamagalona.multiply.com/journal/item/134 Click on this for my article "In Studio for IN LOVE AND WAR by Francis and Ely" Thank you, everyone, and sorry for not updating this site. In God's time. Spread the LOVE!
Hello everyone! Just to let y'all know that Francis is doing fine, PRAISE GOD. He went into hospital January 14 for his fourth cycle of chemo. This time it was HI-DAC (Cytarabine 6grams a day) for three days, every-other-day.
The week that just passed was, we are hoping, his worst so far and he was threatened almost daily by infection. Good thing he was always covered by his doctors with antibiotics. Thank GOD his internal organs are in great shape and he is always protected by the blood of Jesus.
Please bear with us as we haven't been updating this journal as the portable internet connections we own (Smart Bro, Globe Visibility and WeRoam) are all substandard and can only connect to certain sites, none of them being able to load multiply.
Above all, our infamous PLDT myDSL connection here in Antipolo has been down since forever and has just been fixed TODAY. Of course the modem had to be changed, just like I asked them to when I first called in my complaint last January 20!
Going back to Franz, he has been spending his days resting and gathering all his strength for the pending blood stem cell transplant which is now scheduled for March.
I'm happy to report that this time he hasn't become any skinnier and his weight stays between 58.5 and 59kilos daily. That's roughly 129-130lbs. Not bad! His reference weight is about 136-140lbs.
His hair has also started to come back, although it grows much thicker on his face than on the top of his head.
Right now we are just waiting for his blood counts to stabilize so he can be sent home. He gets blood transfusions every 2 days, on the average and we'd like to thank all of you who participated in the blood drives held especially by the FMCC Souljahs, a group of Franz' supporters who believe it's the least they could do to show him how much they love him. Good job you guys! "Pagpalain kayo ng Diyos maykapal," as Francis would say!
Please storm the heavens with prayers over the next days so that all will continue to go well and his healing will be completed, in God's name.
"Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom His love commits me here. Ever this day be at my side: to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen"
Here are some assorted photos of me and parts of me during my sepsis bout at the ICU. During this time, as I was given Levophed™, the drug that would bring my blood pressure back to normal, I had alot of I.V.'s on both sides of the bed. From a low pressure of 35/20 (this number has a high mortality rating-near death) I was able to recover slowly.
To combat the bacteria in my blood and in my stomach, various antibiotics were given to me. Meropenem™, Clindamycin ™, Diflucan™ and I was also given some frozen plasma and after a couple of packs of RBC and Apheresis platelets. My body was bloated, I balooned to 160+ pounds. My feet was like that of a pig. Bloated, yet, my veins were unable to give blood. Due to the low pressure and due to the fact that the high dose mix of Mitoxantrone™ and Cytarabin™ for my chemotherapy, my veins were useless. And that is way I had to have my PICC line on my left arm. My right arm was "bugbog sarado" from the previous pricks for oxygen at my pulse sight and from futile attempts to draw blood.
These shots are random, I even included the ICU praying nurses who would pray over me and we would be reading passages from the bible. I really appreciate their bedside manners.(except for a few male ICU nurses who I thought were incompetent except for one, Sherwin who was very good and caring and his GCSF shots were the best)
There is so much to tell about this sepsis story, but I guess Pia has told her story well. The only thing I can say is, I refused alot of things that they normally do to ICU patients. I refused intubation, feeding thru the nose, the Central venous line, and the catheter. I was what they would call a"benign sepsis patient". Yet by Dec. 5, Friday, I was sitiing up. By Dec. 6, I was reading and standing up. It prompted some doctors to say "You're a MUTANT".
I guess, I have a good lawyer upstairs. For last Dec. 4, I almost died, yet for some reason I lived to tell my story and share my pictures. And I tell you Sepsis is a killer. The number 1 killer in the ICU. It should not be taken lightly.
So FM was getting into the daily grind of being in the ICU. With the PICC-line inserted, we saw how convenient it was to monitor his fluid intake and output, essential to one who is in septic shock so as to see how the patient is progressing... or not. FM's CVP (central venous pressure) indicated a reading of -4 or extreme dehydration.
Everything about him was being monitored: his blood picture, his BP, fluids and excretions. Before the 48-hour count was up, Dr Cinco (Intensivist on duty at the time) pulled me and Maricar aside to his office and began explaining how bad FM's condition was, if you looked at the numbers. There is one test that only TMC offers for patients suspected to be suffering from sepsis and it is the lactate level. From labtestsonline.com: The lactate test is primarily ordered to help detect and evaluate the severity of hypoxia and lactic acidosis. It may be ordered along with blood gases (to evaluate the body’s acid/base balance and oxygenation), along with pyruvate (another ion involved in energy production), and/or along with groups of tests, such as the Comprehensive Metabolic Panel, Basic Metabolic Panel and Complete Blood Count, in a patient with evidence of acidosis. In patients being treated for an acute condition (such as shock or heart attack) or a chronic condition (such as severe congestive heart failure), lactate levels may be ordered at intervals to help monitor hypoxia and response to treatment. The day FM was brought down to the ICU, his WBC was 0.6x109/L (reference range is 4.5-10.0x109/L) and his platelet count was a mere 40x109/L (reference range 140-440x109/L). The following day, his WBC dipped to 0.4x109/L while his platelet count increased very slightly to just 50x109/L, with the aid of plasma transfusion. That's the first and only time plasma was given. It's usually apheresis platelet (thanks, largely, to our friends at the Philippine National Red Cross, mainly Gov Rosa Rosal, Senator Richard Gordon, and our main line, Dra Nalupta!) that is ordered to help increase the platelet count, but in this particular case, FM must've needed MORE than that to boost his blood count!
His lactate level was one of grave concern to Dr Cinco at that moment because, as he tried to tell us, the reference range for lactate is 0.5-2.2mmol/L [4.50-19.81mg/dL] while Francis' results came up 8.92mmol/L [4.50-19.81mg/dL] and that even just a reading of >4 was associated with "high morbidity and mortality," which obviously sounded very scary, but I need to state here that at that moment, even if you ask my SIL, Maricar, we seemed really calm and didn't react in any way--we were neither panicked nor resigned to it--and looking back, I suppose that is what is meant by leaving everything to God, which happened to be exactly what Dr Cinco told us that time: "You must pray very hard. Everything is up to HIM. We are merely doctors, it has nothing to do with us." Words that I remember vividly to this day.
Which is exactly what we did. We prayed even harder--in our own time, though--for my beloved husband and their most beloved brother. I stayed straight on that Thursday night well into Friday night and only left to go home for a bath in the late evening of Friday, when they told me that FM's vitals had almost stabilized. On Dec 6--48 hrs after the first time it was taken--his lactate reading had phenomenally gone DOWN to 2.45mmol/L [22.11mg/dL]. Not quite within the reference range yet, but still a marked improvement. He was well on his way to recovery. The doctors who first looked after FM stopped by on Friday evening and Saturday morning and each one expressed their wonderment on his "remarkable" recovery. They each made comments, such as "Hey, dude, welcome back! You gave us quite a scare!" (Dr Mercado) and "Hey, man... good to see you back. When you were first brought in here, you looked real bad..." (Dr Cinco). Everyone was so pleased to see him come miraculously out of his septic state and they couldn't help but say it out loud. I could feel every bit of care and sincerity from FM's caregivers and I can't even begin to describe how touched I was by it. I think I was so overwhelmed by my emotions that each time a doctor came in to shake his hand and introduce himself to FM (and there were MANY of them) I could feel the tears well up in my eyes. You know that burning sensation? Well, it happened so often that day that it began to make my head hurt.
When he was out of his confused state later on, I never tired of reliving the details of what happened to Francis that fateful Thursday, December the 4th, whenever he would ask me out of the blue to tell him again and again about it. I am forever grateful to the attention that the doctors, most especially the quick-thinking resident Dr Joyce Lopez, gave to my dear hoo. Here she is dropping by for a quick visit on Friday evening, amazed at FM's improvement and giving him some physical test. Take note of how her fingers are crossed! Learn more about sepsis and septic shock at http://www.survivingsepsis.org/sepsis/what_you_should_know
AFTER 48 HRS... As I mentioned a couple of posts back, FM's arms and hands were already so bruised from looking for veins to prick to draw blood or insert fluids into. All in vain. So, we were again offered another alternative. The PICC-line.
We again signed the mandatory permission slip for it. The residents explained it was indeed a safer alternative to the central line. So Drs Montemayor and Purugganan were scheduled to insert the device at 11AM on December 6, which was a little past the 48-hour mark since FM had first been pronounced with septic shock.The procedure was to be done while being guided via ultrasound, to see exactly which vein it was to be connected to. This is a relatively new and painless method and does not require cutting the patient open, thus it was held "bedside," as they say.
Dr Purugganan (photo below, holding FM) is also the surgeon who inserted Franz' portacath back in August.Compare the facts from cancerbackup.com:
A central line is a thin flexible silicone tube, the tip of which is placed in one of the large veins deep in the chest (the superior vena cava). The line is put in under either a local or a general anaesthetic. The outside end of the line is on the chest, just above one or other nipple. It then tracks under the skin for a little way before going into a large vein just behind the collar bone. From there it goes into the superior vena cava.
A PICC line is a more recent development using a line which is inserted into one of the large veins in the arm (usually near the bend of the elbow) from where it is threaded into the superior vena cava. The initials PICC stand for peripherally inserted central catheter. PICC lines are normally inserted as an outpatient. Some local anaesthetic cream is applied to the skin which usually ensures the insertion is painless. The procedure takes about 30 to 40 minutes. Once the PICC line is in place it will be taped firmly to the skin with a special transparent dressing to stop it coming out of the vein. A chest x-ray will then be taken to check the position of the line before it is used. The PICC line can be used for taking blood for blood tests, giving chemotherapy drugs or giving blood transfusions. Dr Sabado, our dear friend and FM's co-member at the Camera Club of the Philippines arrived late into the procedure and dressed the site.
Before the procedure, FM was apprehensive about the pain, but it turned out he had nothing to worry about.
That afternoon, his friend, Pastor Mark McDowell paid us a visit and led us in a prayer of the thanksgiving for FM's miraculous recovery from septic shock. (TO BE CONTINUED...)
At around 4PM, FM's sisters and I headed back to the ICU to check up on Francis. As you know, the nurse on duty had called us with news that he was being ornery towrads them. The exact room they'd assigned to him was called ICU ISO-A3 which stands for Isolation Room wing A number 3. There are only three rooms in that unit, and it is for cases that involve very immuno-compromised patients.
Here he is attached to the ECG (electrocardiogram) machine, which was ordered because he was complaining of pain in the left side of his chest. It turned out to be diagnosed as Klebsiella Pnuemoniae slightly starting in his lungs. It was fast taken care of with an antibiotic. They are very strict in the ICU and one is suposed to wear the gown over one's clothes, a face mask and hands are to be sanitized before entering and upon leaving the room. Visitors are limited to two persons at one time, and may only stay for a few minutes. In Franz' case though, I guess they had to make an exception, because they actually wanted me to stay overnight with him. Maybe because we had to observe his response to the medications, to see if he would come out of the sepsis, etc, and mostly because he was admittedly quite a difficult patient to handle since he would sometimes contradict doctors' orders for one reason or another. I needed to plead with him to follow them.
FM's illness is a blood disorder, and one way to monitor his status is with blood extractions. Since his veins had collapsed, they needed to find just ONE vein where they could attach another heplock which they would use to draw blood from, and for blood transfusions as well. Three residents and nurses tried to attach one. But this one in particular was sustained for only up to a few hours. It was dislodged in the end. So they had to remove it even if its use was so essential to his treatment. Look at all the fluids that had to be infused: antibiotics, saline solution, plasma, RBC, platelets and the all-important levophed which helps regulate blood pressure.The central-line and its function was explained to us by one of the residents, Dr Mercado. That first night, we agreed and even signed to allow them to attach one to him. The following day, FM changed his mind and said he didn't want it placed anymore since he was taking in fluids and expelling them as well. So they didn't go ahead with the insertion. But as I said, FM needed to have another way into which his IV's could be introduced, and also a way wherein blood for examinations could be drawn.
This photo shows him just past 24 hours after having been ruled as a sepsis patient. He was coming out of it, although still miserable from having been poked and pricked because of all the procedures being done. In the end, we sttled for the placement of a PICC-line (peripherally-inserted central catheter) which would apparently do the job a central-line was originally meant to do.
Sepsis occurs when a serious infection causes the body's normal reaction to infection to go into overdrive. With sepsis, bacteria and the toxins they create cause changes in a person's body temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure, and can result in dysfunction of the body's organs.
So this round of chemotherapy took 43 days in hospital. We were scheduled to check out Dec 4th, Thursday, but when I got to the hospital at 6AM, FM wasn't in his bed. He was on the toilet having an episode of diarrhea.
I'd rather not go into the gory details now. Suffice to say that one of the side effects of the high-dose treatment--which we'd been warned of was diarrhea. Other side effects were mouth sores, weight loss, and the usual fever and body pains.
I didn't know what was happening to him. I thought he was just extremely tired. The nurse on duty, Resty, and I took his temp (40ºC) and his BP (120/80). From the bathroom, he dove into bed headfirst and remained in that position for the longest time. I kept asking him to please turn over and take a paracetamol for the fever. He'd shout, "yeah, wait!!!!" but wouldn't move.
I pestered him to please take the pill from 630AM til 8 when he finally took it. He shouted, "'wag ka nang magalit sa akin!" when all I wanted him to do was take his meds. When he finally sat up to take it, I said thanks... not knowing it was too late to get the fever down. I asked the resident if she could inject him with paracetamol and she just kept replying that she couldn't reach his doctors. Meanwhile, I was left to deal with him.
His eyes were closed and I was just thinking that I don't want him to go into a coma. So I would say, "yoohoo!" everytime he'd shut his eyes. When they'd open, I'd ask him questions: "gait ka ba sa akin?" (he nodded), "love mo ba ako?" (he'd shake his head) "Ako, love pa rin kita..." I'd say. All this time his eyes would look straight THROUGH me. I text Maricar and Maxx, "he's ok but he seems disoriented."
"Kawawa naman," they both replied. After a while, I felt kinda scared because he was scaring me with his being "out of it." He wasn't talking anymore, but grunting and growling this time. (I later learned that he'd watched The Hulk the night before!) When Maxx called me again, I was crying. But it was for a different reason: I was so mad at someone whom we both agreed was causing FM's condition to get worse. Don't ask. Anyway, she called Unna and ranted to her as well.
It was now 10AM and Dra Ona was making her rounds. FM was having the chills and I spooned him and prayed hundreds of Hail Marys and cried uncontrollably because I pitied him going through this pain. I didn't realize he was having another round of diarrhea in bed, but after all my prayers, the chills stopped. Later, when Dra O came into the room, she opened his blanket and saw what had happened. I spoke with her outside and she explained that since FM had the worst kind of leukemia, he was also having to fight it hard.
FM's dear friend, Dr Gerry Sabado, stopped by looking very severe. I could see the pain in his eyes seeing FM in that state. He came close and said in his booming voice, "Pare! Kilala mo ba ako?" and FM just smiled. I told him that was the first time FM smiled and looked like he recognized him, although when asked later, FM doesn't remember a thing. Dr Sabado, being head of the team, was the one who finally gave the order for us to move to the ICU.
Dra Tayzon came into the room next and I could see she was almost in a panic, ordering the nurses to attach liquid IVs because he was getting dehydrated fast. They pumped him with 5L of fluid that day and in the succeeding days. She said to me, "what happened, Pia? I just checked on him last night and he was ok..." Dr Joyce Lopez, Dra O's resident came into the room as well and started ordering additional drips plus a hep-lock into his left hand so they could have more lines, besides the portacath.
I was calm all the way, since I was just obsessed with keeping him awake. I kept talking to him, I sponged his head with ice to make te fever go down. At one point, I remember Resty telling me that he had to run to the satellite pharmacy on the 12th floor to get some Aeknil (injectable paracetamol) and I told him "'wag mo ako'ng iwan dito, 'di ko 'to kaya mag-isa.." because FM was sitting up, feet on the floor, and my hands were on his shoulders. He was struggling to get away from me and boy, was he strong!
Resty finally ran out and I was alone, while FM seemed to try to escape from my clutches. He gave a really loud growl when I held him down. After 5 minutes (which seemed like an eternity) Resty came back with the shot. What happened next seemed like a rush while time stood still: four male nurses came into the room to transfer FM into a bed to wheel him to the ICU. They couldn't lift the blanket he was on. Two men were added. I said "ang bigat nya kahit maliit, 'no?" He was dead weight.
As we wheeled him to the lifts, I noticed so many of his regular nurses on the 14th floor accompanying us to the ICU. I also saw Monique, Maricar's faithful Yaya who brought his food daily, sitting on the couch at the 14th floor lobby, her eyes filling with tears. I smiled at her and said, "wait lang, ha?" I didn't realize how bad things were. While waiting for the lifts, Dr Joyce asked me, "don't you have any relatives coming? Mag-isa ka lang?" I wondered why she asked me that, since I was always alone with him given that he was on strict orders to be on reverse isolation. Unna text me at this point: "Ma, how is Papa? Maxx just called me." I didn't know what to reply, so I didn't text her back. I wasn't texting anyone anymore. On the lift going to the ICU, FM's BP dropped to 35/20, a number relatively unheard of. When he was attached to the machine, I saw the numbers read 41/20. Dr Joyce familiarized me with the procedures they were about to do to him: attach a catheter, a feeding tube through his nose (I was so clueless, I even said, "ay, good because he hasn't had breakfast yet."), a respirator to help him breathe, a central-line to monitor how much fluids he was getting and blood extraction from the artery in his hand to get his blood oxygen level. Meanwhile, the first thing they did was attach an IV with a vial of Levophed and I saw with my own eyes how his BP jumped to 116/? in just two seconds! I agreed to everything Dr Joyce was telling me, but in the back of my mind I was thinking, "good luck if you can do ANY of those things to FM. He'll just protest to it," not thinking that THEY were thinking he was unconscious, considering the numbers. True enough, when they tried to insert the catheter--as I held him down--he started yelling, "NOOO!" at the top of his voice, and "don't touch that!!!!!" It seemed he'd come through and wasn't THAT "out of it." A top resident came to draw blood from his artery but since he was dehydrated with a very weak pulse, his veins had collapsed and they couldn't get anything.
That was when I first heard the words "septic shock." I think it was Dr Cinco, then head intensivist. Dr Cinco--looking very worried--did a 2D echo of FM's heart and I could hear him sigh with relief that FM had a very strong heart indeed. He then called me aside and explained what was going on. He said the next 48 hours would be very crucial.
I called Malou Fagar, told her Franz had septic shock, and to please gather people to pray for him. She said, "oh no! I will call Brother Manny at once." That's all I needed to hear from her. Meanwhile, since I wasn't replying to anyone, I received a message from Maricar that she, Vickee and Susan were coming over to be with me. I didn't realize that it was already 4PM and that I hadn't had breakfast and lunch yet. Soon as I saw that FM was settled (but not yet stable) I told his ICU nurse, Mel, that I would run upstairs for a while, to vacate our room. FM's sisters met up with me there. Susan had brought her son, Mark, with her and together, he and Maxx's yaya, April--whom I'd arranged earlier to come over to help us load the car because we thought we were going home--brought all the stuff in the room to our car in the hospital's basement.
While in the room, Maricar, Vickee, Susan and I had a quiet moment together, thinking the worst, and comforting each other with solemn laughter. Soon, another sister, Malot, who is based in California, called and spoke with each of us. They all told me the same thing: "be strong, sis." Truth be told, I wasn' thinking much of the situation, just doing what I routinely did. After a while, the ICU nurse rang me in the room--twice--telling me that FM was arguing with her about the machines connected to his torso and asking what the heck he was doing there? Where was he, he was aking, and where the heck was I! Aha, I said, relieved... he's OK! He's complaining! That means he's himself again, Praise GOD!
On October 4, 2008, the official FMCC day, I went to the opening of 3 Stars and a Sun at Broadway since papa couldn't go because he was confined at the hospital. Frank, Nica and Nic were with me too! MTV was there to feature the event and I finally saw it on YouTube! Check it out:
I really am proud of my dad and his shirt brand. There's really nothing like it here! FMCC is often imitated but NEVER duplicated. They can all try but nothing can beat the originality, top quality and FUNK of the FMCC brand. NOTHING. Papa is the original defender of the 3 Stars and a Sun. :) GO PAPA!!! :)
Btw, I am lovin' my I Rep Pinas shirt which I wore to the first ever Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards Philippines.
The show had a Filipino theme with all stuff that represents the Philippines. It's gonna air on the local and international channels of Nickelodeon so I thought it was the best opportunity for me to wear the 3 Stars and a Sun brand to show the whole world what the Philippines is all about. I REP PINAS! :)
I'm gonna make this simple as I can because the internet connection while we're at Med City is really sluggish, to say the least.
We're on Globe Visibility and GOOD LUCK if we can even BEGIN to connect.
So, this time the chemo drugs are Mitoxantrone (a blue-colored liquid which FM refers to as SnoCone-like; ok... somewhere in there is the word TOXIC) and our good old standby, Cytarabine. Total is six days for both drugs: M is administered for one hour while C is given for three hours, every 12 hours.
Everything went well until Day 5 when I noticed there was a rash coming on to FM's arms. We thought nothing of it because it says on Cytarabine's accompanying literature that it's one of the side effects.
It then went on to spread to all his extremities, then the trunk, including the back. At first it was just the red rash, no itching. But when it started to itch, it never stopped. Even while he's asleep, he wakes up scratching--which I discourage because it could cause irritation and infection. He was made to take antihistamines and prednisone, but they don't really work.
As I write this, it's 3 days after the last day of chemo and his itch has "lessened" but it's basically still there. It's ok. It'll go away. I prayed to God for it to go away.
DAY 1
DAY 2
DAY 3
DAY 4
DAY 5
DAY 6
Ok! It took me ten million years to create this post, but thank God! I finally did it! YES!
Hello people. I am back. I am still holed up at the 14th floor of the Medical City. I am thankful I am in the Philippines. Not in Mumbai or Thailand.
I am such a CNN/BBC addict and those are the channels that I usually watch. And for leisure, I indulge in Discovery, National geographic & Animal Planet.
I just finished my 3rd cycle of chemotherapy 2 days ago. It took me 6 days to hurdle it, a daily dose of Mitoxantrone & Cytarabin. Hi-dose Cytarabin by the way. A gram in 3 hours. I took Navoban® for the nausea, once every 24 hours, and Tobradex® for my eyes drops. This cycle had a chance of me getting medical conjunctivitis (sore eyes yun mga tol) so it was a prophylactic.
Anyway by the 3rd day, I experienced low appetite, weakness, and a couple of episodes of wanting to hurl. (that's wanting to make suka mga tol)
I had the usual chills and fever since day 1, with lows of 38.4 to highs of 40.3.
By day 4, i developed a rash and it was expected for this hi-dosage treatment. It is now literally all over my body, and appendages. (mga braso at binti mga tol)
Last night I slept at 3 am, tossing and turning due to the itch...which ironically started 2 days after last day of chemotherapy. The rashes appeared 2 days ahead, the itch was late.
I took transfusions of 4 packs of rbc and 2 packs of Apheresis platelet during the 6 day cycle. It has been 19 days inside this room since the November 11, the day of my recording for the new project with Ely B. Life is like a roller coaster, from recording, to saying bye to the kids that night, to doing 2 bone marrow extractions, then now I have to do a transplant. Everything is so fast.
I am doing my homework, fixing my second single "Thou Shalt Not Blink" from the F-Word release coming soon at all 3 Stars & a Sun stores. This song is a collaboration between me and Robert Javier. (founding member ng The Youth mga tol)
A great remix of which was done for me by Squid 9 (si Raimund Marasigan yun mga tol) and this remix will be an easter egg in the third single.
Other updates, aside from watching Eat Bulaga, I write lyrics, read books daily & watch Maxene's UKNA also. (Una Kang naging Akin teleserye mga tol, congrats nga pala anak, ang ganda mo at napakahusay umarte, number 1 kayo sa hapon sa ratings)
Congrats to Pupil for sweeping the NU Rock Awards 2008. Disconnection na talaga.
Right now I am itching to get back on the m.i.c. and record, and AT THIS VERY MOMENT, ITCHING FOR A SCRATCH.
PS: Dr. Reena Corona-Rosales of La Nouvelle Image (google them!!!) you have to cure this allergic reaction. Thanks for the food, and the prayers and for your consultation.
PS2: Congrats to Pupil for sweeping the NU Rock Awards 2008. Disconnection na talaga.
PS3: And to you the reader, the lurker, the friend, the sympathizer, the fellow patient, take a bow. Your prayers have saved me today. Lord, thank you for allowing them to pester you.
Yesterday morning, I saw a murder. I witnessed how my finger was murdered. Apparently the person assigned to do this was not in her element.
She used the prick method and the gadget used was the one-time-use thing. It usually is a painless procedure, but she really stuck it to my middle finger like she meant it. haha. I guess she has a thing against middle fingers. It hurt like hell.
After she didn't even tape it well. This has never happened in all my finger-pricking life for my cbc. Usually the phlebotomist does the job well. She didn't as she left the cotton in my bed together with the disposable alcohol swab, wrapping and all. Untidy. All I remember was she had a hair with corn-like color. And she disappeared like a ghost.
Well here's a pic of that murdered finger. Thank you Eliza....job well done. NOT!
Today, I found out that even after two bone marrow extractions in one week, my dad will most likely have to undergo a bone marrow transplant to better his condition. His third chemotherapy session will begin tomorrow.
Today, I experienced a testing of my faith. I had a mix of all sorts of emotions: anger, sadness, pain, worry, desperation, etc. The list could go on and on. But, despite all these Vampire-like emotions that tried to suck the life out of me, I stood up. I stood up and wiped the tears off my face and began praying to God. Not once did I question him as to why my dad is suffering, why we are experiencing so much pain and sadness, why this had to happen to my wonderful and loving father, of all people. All I asked was for God to continue taking care of my dad, to give him strength and to make his sickness go away. With that one prayer, without even waiting for results, my faith and belief in God strengthened even more. I believe in God, the Father Almighty, and I know that he will NEVER let go of my dad.
Through all of this, I choose to stand up.
Everything will be alright Yeah
The heart is stronger Than you think It's like it can go Through anything And even when you think It can't it finds a way To still push on Though
Sometimes You want to run away Ain't got the patience For the pain And if you Don't believe it Look into Your heart The beat goes on
I'm tellin' you Things get better Through whatever If you fall Dust it off Don't let up
Don't you know You can go Be your own miracle
You need to know... If the mind Keeps thinking You've had enough But the heart Keeps telling you Don't give up
Who are we to be Questioning Wondering what is what Don't give up Through it all Just stand up
It's like We all have better days Problems getting all up In your face
Just because You go through it Don't mean it got To take control, no
You ain't gotta find No hiding place Because the heart Can beat the hate
Don't wanna Let your mind Keep playin' you And sayin' you Can't go on
I'm tellin' you
Things get better Through whatever
If you fall Dust if off Don't let up
Don't you know you Can go Be your own Miracle
You need to know
If the mind Keeps thinking You've had enough But the heart Keeps telling you Don't give up Who are we to be Questioning Wondering what is what Don't give up Through it all Just stand up
You don't gotta be A prisoner In your mind
If you fall Dust it off
You can live your life
Yeah
Let your heart Be your guide
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And you will know That you're good If you trust in the good
Everything Will be alright, yeah Light up the dark If you follow your heart
And it will get better
Through whatever
If the mind Keeps thinking You've had enough But the heart Keeps telling you Don't give up Who are we to be Questioning Wondering what is what Don't give up Through it all Just stand up
You got it in you Find it within You got in ya Find it within now You got in you Find it within You got in ya Find it within now You got in you Find it within Find it within you Find it within
Through It All, Just Stand Up!
To mom and pop, don't give up.. Through it all just stand up! :)
Yesterday was the Chris Brown/Rihanna concert at the fort. The whole fam went including the small kids.
So what did I do? I called my partner Manie Magbanua Jr., (from our prod. outfit Filipino Pictures) to start shooting the documentary movie of me and Ely Buendia for our project album. This documentary will be joining filmfests and also be included in the cd package.
Present here at my room was Manie, my pastor friend Mark McDowell, and Ely together with his companion, Mark.
We discussed pegs for music, how the documentary would be presented, and of course, we prayed before they all left. I told Ely how this project is keeping me "alive" and keeping me in high spirits.
I wil be doing my bone marrow extraction tomorrow at 9 a.m. (manila time) and then decide on the chemotherapy treatment. Most probably it will be the Hi-DAC of 4 grams. This one is the heavy dosage, as there is a possibility of the excess coming out of my eyes in a conjunctivitis way.
Nonetheless, it's all good, the faster I get treatment, the faster I get well, the better for me to do the "project" that has kept me writing lyrics and listening to other songs to get inspired.
Please pray for a speedy recovery dear reader of this post. I know your prayers have kept me alive up to this day.
I exercise my vocals every now and then. It is my medicine. Here is a set of pictures Pia took of me. (upon my instructions I prod her to shoot at every opportunity. I always look at the photo journalistic quality of the moment) These "reality" shots are gonna be of value one day. I can use these for the documentary am doing, and probably even a book one day.
I was vocalizing to the new track that we did with Ely B. and THE NEW BAND. Yup, we will have a new band. An album of music, a documentary movie, a foundation, yes all of these will happen. AND I WAS VOCALIZING WHILE TRANSFUSING A PACK OF RBC,
I still hear the voices of Elvis Presley, John Lennon, Tupac Shakur, Kurt Cobain, The Notorious B.I.G. and Frank Sinatra to name a few. And their voices rise from their graves.
I am lucky to have been a recording artist and one day when I leave this world, just like the names I mentioned, my voice will be heard. Always. At a touch of a button or switch, I am "alive" again.
This is my second time to do a CT Scan. My first was last August. It's a cold room, and all I can say is this is one big camera. It takes photos of our inside and it is awesome.
I had to take instructions from Imelda, like knowing when to breathe in and hold my breath. And also upon the injection of the contrast fluid, I had to hold my breath and not swallow, for it leaves a bad taste in the mouth, literally. As soon as the contrast entered my arm , it was cold, and inside my body there was heat.
The staff and personnel were very accomodating, friendly and caring. Thank you to the following-
Dr. Marvin Manalo Dr. Kathy Santos Dr. Maluz Villapando Imelda Felizardo, R.R.T. Ervin Quizon Victor Banggo
Photography by Francis Magalona, Dr. Marvin Manalo, Dr. Maluz Villapando and Imelda Felizardo.
On September 13 and October 4, 2008 The Eat Bulaga family organized not one but TWO fundraiser shows for the benefit of my dad and I CAN'T THANK THEM ENOUGH! Our family will forever be grateful.
To the people who went to and supported the show: the de Vera family, Doc Gerry Sabado, Buwi from Parokya ni Edgar, the press, Mr. Tirso Cruz III and his whole family, tita Maritess Gutierrez, ninong Herbert Bautista, Jomari Yllana, John Estrada, Bayani Agbayani, Gloc 9 and everyone else, THANK YOU. Thank you for the love. :)
To tita Malu, the whole Eat Bulaga family and of course, Mr. Antonio P. Tuviera, THANK YOU SO MUCH. You are all of papa's BEST and MOST TRUE friends. :)
"When the chips are down, that's when you'll see who your TRUE friends are." -- Papa :)
Yesterday was the Chris Brown/Rihanna concert at the fort. The whole fam went including the small kids.
